Toxic positivity is the excessive and inappropriate application of positive thinking. It involves minimizing or dismissing negative emotions, experiences, and situations, and replacing them with forced optimism and false reassurances. Toxic positivity can be harmful to anyone, but it can be especially detrimental to those living with multiple sclerosis (MS).
People with MS often experience a wide range of physical, emotional, and cognitive challenges. They may face fatigue, pain, mobility issues, cognitive difficulties, and emotional changes. These challenges can lead to feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, and grief. When someone with MS is told to “just stay positive” or “focus on the good,” it can invalidate their feelings and make them feel like their struggles are not being acknowledged or understood.
Toxic positivity can also prevent people with MS from seeking support and help. They may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their negative emotions, believing that they should be able to overcome them on their own. This can lead to isolation and a lack of access to the resources and support that they need.
In addition, toxic positivity can create a sense of guilt and inadequacy. People with MS may feel like they are failing if they are not able to maintain a positive attitude all the time. This can lead to feelings of self-blame and a worsening of their mental health.
It is important to remember that it is okay to not be okay. People with MS need to be able to express their full range of emotions without judgment or pressure to be positive. Validating their feelings and providing them with support and understanding is essential for their well-being.
If you are living with MS, it is important to find a support system that allows you to be yourself and express your emotions freely. This could include family, friends, support groups, or mental health professionals. Remember that you are not alone in your journey and that there are people who care about you and want to help.
Here are some strategies to help deal with toxic positivity, both for yourself and when you encounter it from others:
For Yourself:
- Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings: The most important step is to allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. Don’t try to suppress or dismiss negative emotions. Recognize that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or scared when dealing with a chronic illness. Saying to yourself, “It’s okay that I feel this way,” can be surprisingly powerful.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend. Instead of berating yourself for not being positive enough, try to offer yourself comfort and support. Think about what you would say to someone else in your situation.
- Challenge Unrealistic Thoughts: Toxic positivity often relies on unrealistic or distorted thinking. For example, you might think, “I should be able to overcome this illness if I’m just positive enough.” Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself, “Is this really true? What evidence is there to support this thought? What are some other possible explanations?”
- Focus on What You Can Control: When dealing with a chronic illness, there are many things you can’t control. Focusing on these things can lead to feelings of helplessness and despair. Instead, try to focus on what you can control, such as your self-care routine, your treatment plan, or your emotional responses.
- Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to reach out to others for support. Talk to your doctor, a therapist, a support group, or trusted friends and family members. Sharing your feelings with others can help you feel less alone and more understood.
- Limit Exposure to Toxic Positivity: If you find that certain people or social media accounts are constantly promoting toxic positivity, it may be helpful to limit your exposure to them. This doesn’t mean you have to cut them out of your life entirely, but you can choose to spend less time around them or unfollow them on social media.
- Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This can make it easier to recognize and challenge toxic positivity when it arises. There are many mindfulness exercises you can try, such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga.
When Encountering Toxic Positivity from Others:
- Set Boundaries: It’s okay to set boundaries with people who are constantly pushing toxic positivity on you. You can politely let them know that you appreciate their intentions, but that you need to process your feelings in your own way. For example, you could say, “I understand you’re trying to be positive, but right now, I just need to acknowledge that I’m feeling [emotion].”
- Educate (If Appropriate): If you feel comfortable, you can try to educate the person about the harmful effects of toxic positivity. You can share articles or resources that explain the concept and how it can be invalidating. However, be prepared that they may not be receptive to this.
- Validate Their Intentions (Even if Misguided): Acknowledge that they’re likely trying to be helpful, even if their approach is misguided. This can help de-escalate the situation and make them more open to hearing your perspective.
- Focus on Your Needs: Ultimately, your priority is your own well-being. If someone is consistently pushing toxic positivity on you, it’s okay to distance yourself from them or limit your interactions.
- Seek Support for Yourself: Dealing with toxic positivity from others can be draining. Make sure you’re taking care of your own emotional needs and seeking support from people who understand.
Remember, healing from the effects of chronic illness, both physically and emotionally, is a journey. Be patient with yourself, and don’t be afraid to seek help when you need it.